There is a lot of evidence in my life that I am quickly approaching thirty years of age. I can't remember the last time I slept in past eight in the morning. I make fewer assumptions. Lack of coffee induces withdrawal headaches and certain foods now disagree with me. But the most significant and uncomfortable change is my dependence on lists.

If I have any free time, it is because I choose to ignore my lists. Lists are never satisfied; they are cruel beasts that will attack any semblance of order in my life if left unfed. At first, lists are very attractive. They promise to graduate you into truly professional life. They prove your importance by orchestrating the world's reliance on your ability to get things done. Then they reveal their true nature and hover around your freedom like vultures.

My life used to be gestalt, greater than the sum of completed tasks. I could spend an entire day learning Kora rhythms on the banjo or composing atonally with slide guitar, and if the laundry was overdue it wouldn't matter because I had no trim appearance to maintain. Now, assembling a week is like doing a jigsaw puzzle. Because of time constraints, certain tasks on the list must be delegated to mediocrity and those tasks are usually the most personally precious: practicing my instruments, reading fiction, and, of course, procrastination.

This blog post is a defiant act of leisure, a way to ease the tyranny of the list. I need to learn how to tame the list and wrestle its supremacy, especially because my listed life will only grow more intense. I suspect this means I must develop a mentality that runs ahead of the list. I have to be smarter than it...I must beat it as its own game by anticipating tasks and (gulp!) doing things ahead of time. The difficult part for me is discovering ways to enjoy this, which feels like giving up on a dearly held principle of the artist's lifestyle.

A friend of my family loves to make the joke, you know you're middle aged when you reach down to pick something up off the floor and think, "is there any thing else I can do while I'm down here?" Even now, in the middle of my defiant act of leisure, I think of other updates my website requires. I have to add a performance date to the calendar...a small victory, and bittersweet...